


Je Suis Là, Devant le Soleil

by faroresson



Series: Thirty Three Songs to Say I Love You [4]
Category: Persona 4, Persona Series
Genre: But also not quite, M/M, Some even have dialogue, Songfic, The rest of the IT are mentioned, Way too much research into Tokyo High Schools, but I don't know if it's enough to tag, for a throwaway line at least
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 08:33:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29168109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faroresson/pseuds/faroresson
Summary: Yu has just returned to Tokyo and all he can think about is how much he misses Inaba. Luckily one of his going away gifts was made to deal with that specific purpose.
Relationships: Hanamura Yosuke/Narukami Yu, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: Thirty Three Songs to Say I Love You [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2124834
Kudos: 16





	Je Suis Là, Devant le Soleil

**Author's Note:**

> Just as a note, I did name Yu's parents because writing "Yu's father/mother" over and over was killing me
> 
> Yu's mom is Misako Narukami (Formerly Misako Dojima)  
> Yu's dad is Souji Narukami (Because I'm an ass like that)
> 
> Also, I like to think Yu looks like a boy version of his mother

Over the course of the last year, Yu had received a plethora of what he would call mixtapes from Yosuke. Sometimes it would be a USB handed over with little fanfare, sometimes a burnt CD with a title and some doodles marked on it in sharpie. There was also that one time when Yosuke just passed him a note in class that was a list of about fifteen songs. Yu appreciated every one, a symbol of friendship between them, like Kanji and his little charms, or Chie and her numerous bruises from sparring. However, since they’d begun dating in February, Yu took Yosuke’s little gifts with a bit of extra reverence. It was nice to listen deeply and dissect why Yosuke liked each song, why he would have thought Yu would like it, and sometimes if it meant something special.

Take this most recent set, for example. It had been a going away gift and a birthday present all in one, Yosuke delivered it with misty eyes and a tight smile the morning he was to depart on the train back to Tokyo. Yu was on the train and almost to his destination when he finally caved to curiosity and pulled the gold ribbon off the little white box. It was a USB, it had a note and some photos from a photobooth in the Okina mall packed with it. Yu first looked at the pictures, they were taken on White Day. Yosuke had invited him after school to 30 Frame to watch an old horror movie for Cheap Night. They had stopped at the mall to get snacks to smuggle in and Yu had seen the photo booth. He laughed humourlessly as he found one picture of him, red faced and fighting a grin as Yosuke pressed an affectionate peck to his cheek. That trip definitely washed the sour taste of dating Ebi out of his mouth in regards to the mall.

Yu placed the photos back into the box with care, then he unfolded the note. It was nothing fancy, a piece of lined paper with his boyfriend’s trademark scrawl decorating the page. It read,

_“Partner,_   
_I know you aren’t going away for good, but I already miss you. Assuming, of course, you waited til you got home like I told you to to open this. I wanted this collection to be extra special, ‘cause well, you’ll be in Tokyo for your actual birthday. And I love you. So this is for you, if you’re ever feeling lonely.  
Also, no track list for you, you gotta find out what’s there by listening :)  
PS Don’t forget to call, or skype, we all are gonna want to see your face before the next big holiday_

_-Your Partner, Yosuke”_

There were a couple hearts sketched in the margins, as well as paired and lone eighth notes. Yu didn’t notice the smitten smile stretching across his face until he had already packed up his gift, got off the train and found his parents at the station.

“Yu! Welcome home, sweetheart!” his mother had said, placing a delicate hand on his shoulder, his father doing the same. “Did you miss home that much? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this happy before!” she asked light heartedly, and Yu’s face immediately dropped to confusion.

“I did, but what do you mean? Yu asked,

His father answered, “You came off the train grinning like you won the lottery, bud. But don’t worry about it,” he turns to his wife, “C’mon hon, let’s get home.” So, Yu followed his parents to their car and they went home.

The apartment was smaller than Yu remembered, and though it wasn’t empty, it felt strangely lacking. He went back to where his old room was and left his suitcase in the middle of the floor, intending to unpack after dinner. Yu then wandered back into the kitchen, he was planning to make beef stir fry for dinner, thanking any deity that’d listen that his parents had gotten home a few days before he did and stocked the fridge. Then, he encountered the first problem, no matter what he was looking for, he always opened the wrong cupboard or drawer for.

Yu was staring down the vegetable drawer in the fridge on the verge of tears in frustration when he heard his mother’s voice behind him, “Sweetheart,” she says gently, “what are you looking for?”

Yu inhaled sharply, “White onion.” His voice was tensely high pitched, though some of the tension dissipated with a sigh as his mother chuckled warmly.

“We have an unopened bag of them in the pantry. Why?”

Yu turned to his mother, perplexed, “Making dinner..?” he said, not knowing where the confusion was coming from. It was evening, and it wasn’t like Yu only started cooking when he lived with Dojima, and he was digging around the kitchen with a couple pans on the stove.

Yu’s mother gasped, “Oh no no no! Yu, we were going to order delivery as a sort of ‘Welcome Home’ party. Don’t worry about cooking right now! What would you like to order, by the way, I was just about to order from that new Korean place.”

Yu felt a little crestfallen, cooking was sort of how he intended to break in the house to make it feel a little more like home, but he didn’t want it to show on his face. “Kimchi noodles with vegetables?” he answers, “I’ll cook tomorrow, then…”

Yu’s mother nodded, then phoned in the food order. Yu put away the unused pans and ingredients, making a mental note of their locations for future use. He spent the thirty minute wait for food unpacking some of his things. There was a moment of rather ironic deja vu when he came across his Yasogami uniform folded among his clothing. It harkened back to his first night in Inaba, when he found his Komae uniform packed in a garment bag among his belongings. His thoughts spiraled into school, come April he would be donning a blazer and tie that had to be neat and orderly at all times again. As funny as it was, while the main hurt was that he was no longer going to school with his friends, he was not looking forward to buttoning his shirt and jacket all the way. It was the little things, he guessed.

“Yu! Food’s here!” his father’s voice rang down the short hallway. Yu pushed himself off the floor, shaking his head to clear the haze of melancholy that had settled in his mind. He hoped that maybe eating takeout with his parents would quench the desire for things to be like they were in Inaba. Unfortunately, he was poorly mistaken. While they did all eat in the living room around the TV, the TV was off and it was quiet. Yu wasn’t one to talk of his own volition, and neither were his parents, so now, without Nanako or Dojima to start conversation, the small family ate in silence.

The dragging silence was finally broken by Yu’s father, “So, bud, got any plans for the new school year?”

Yu swallows his bite of noodles and answers without looking up, “Not really. Might get a part-time job.” Or seven, who knows?

Yu’s father nodded thoughtfully, “As long as you keep your grades up, go for it.”

And the conversation ended there. Yu, hating the heavy atmosphere, polished his kimchi noodles off quickly and rushed back to his room. He finished unpacking before long and found himself just sitting on his floor, head empty, staring at the small collection of going away gifts he had received that morning. The first of the collection he grabbed was the pair of bracelets Nanako made, he put them on before really looking at them. One was lavender with white hearts, woven with the loom Dojima had bought her for her birthday; Yu had seen her working on it, but was still surprised to see it among his gifts. The other one was a beaded bracelet with little letters reading out “Big Bro”. The next gift he picked up was the package of patterned origami paper from Rise, he left the pack sealed and tucked it with his other stationary on his desk. Yu was beginning to feel like a kid on his birthday, unwrapping and sorting through a small pile of gifts like this. Next was Kanji’s gift, a homemade stuffed animal. It was a cat, to nobody’s surprise. Yu placed it on his bed next to his pillow.

There was another thing Yu didn’t expect to miss: sleeping on a futon. Hopefully it won’t be too strange.

In an attempt to stave off a spiral of missing his old home, Yu continued sorting through his gifts. There was a cookbook from Yukiko, she wanted to try and do an online cooking lesson with recipes from the book and Yu was happy to oblige now that he was too far away to be subject to taste testing. He resolved to store it in the kitchen or living room. Chie gifted him a pair of free weights so he “wouldn’t be completely out of shape for Golden Week” which he appreciated. Naoto had sheepishly given him a box of cookies, store-bought, if he remembered correctly, citing her fear of continuing the Investigation Team tradition of the girls poisoning everyone else. Yu knew Naoto was smart enough not to take creative liberties with baking, but figured biting his tongue and accepting the snacks with a quick “thanks” was a better idea. He set the cookies on his nightstand, figuring they’d act as a means of staving off the late night depression in the days to come.

The last gift in the pile was the box from Yosuke. He reread the note again, a weight settling in his chest. The only computers in the apartment were his parents’ laptops that were for work and work exclusively, so the newest challenge is banking his pocket money to buy his own computer to actually listen to the usb. Or buying a radio with a USB port might work as well. Soon enough, Yu felt himself getting tired, so he changed, went to the bathroom to brush his teeth. There was a rough period of more than five minutes where he couldn’t find the light switch, he was so used to the switch being outside the bathroom itself that when it wasn’t where he flicked at the wall and he walked into darkness he had a minute, a moment if you will. And boy was it a minute. It felt like he was waking up at somebody else’s house for the first time and was in a completely separate dimension. He found the switch, eventually, and managed to get himself ready for bed.

Yu returned to his room and turned out the lights. He sat down on his bed and sent a text message to the IT group chat announcing he arrived safe and wishing a goodnight to everyone, then he did the same for Dojima. He watched the light under his door go out, and he heard the door to his parent room close. It wasn’t a surprise, but he couldn’t help the hollowing of his heart that they didn’t even just peek in to check on him. It’s stupid, he’s almost an adult and shouldn’t need or even want to have his parents wish him goodnight or hug him. Since he was feeling like a child again, he buried himself in his blankets, pulled his new stuffed cat to his chest and called Yosuke.

“What’s up, Partner?” Yosuke greeted after only two rings, “How’s Tokyo?”

Yu smiled weakly, regardless of the fact that Yosuke couldn’t see him, “It’s… it’s quiet. I miss home.”

Yosuke laughed, it was a full, ringing sound that made Yu feel light, “Wow, dude, it’s been less than a day.” his tone became softer, “Is everything alright?”

Yu sighed, “I don’t know. It’s just so different,” he laughed half-heartedly, “I couldn’t find the bathroom light switch today. We didn’t talk much during dinner, and when my parents picked me up it was…”

Before Yu could find his words, Yosuke supplied “Hollow?” To which Yu agreed. The pair talked, about plans until third year started, about movies and video games, about terrible financial decisions doomed to be made. Yosuke’s continued insistence in buying a proper motorcycle, especially now that he’d need one to drive the highways to Tokyo, managed to pull a genuine laugh out of Yu, halted only by a yawn.

“You tired, Yu? Why not get some sleep?”

Yu looked at the time, it was a few minutes to midnight. If it was raining he’d probably slip out to the living room to check the TV. Add his personal little CRT TV and VCR/DVD player set to the list of things he missed from Inaba. “I’m too tired to sleep,” he says finally, “That’s partially why I called.”  
“Oh,” Yosuke said, “well I can put on some music and we can stay on call? Like back when we would have sleepovers.”

The phrasing made it sound so far in the past, Yu made that thought known.

“Hey, lay off! You know what I mean.” Yosuke rebutted,

“I do,” Yu said quietly, “thank you, Yosuke.”

There was the sound of fabric rustling on the other side of the line, likely Yosuke moving to set up his speakers. Then there was the sound of guitar filling the room. It was a little tinny, but that was the price for five degrees of separation in music streaming. Yu recognized the song, it was part of Yosuke’s quote “Lullaby” playlist on his mp3 player. “Far Away” was the title, if he remembered correctly. It was by one of the western rock bands his Partner was so fond of, and now that he listened with his improved English skills, he noticed it was a love song. As the minutes passed, and he heard Yosuke’s breathing slow and even over the phone, Yu noticed that a majority of the songs playing were love songs, some familiar and others brand new. All of them had this extra layer of longing to them, either from a falling out, long distance and one sounded like it was about a widower. In between all the songs that cried “I miss you” there were others that were more cheery while equally gentle. At least one was pulled from a show they watched together.

Yu was grateful when eventually the soft tunes of Yosuke’s music blended with the comforting weight of his blankets and lulled him off to sleep.

March 31st came around quicker than Yu had realized, he had been too busy spending what few weeks he had before the spring semester started up working at any place that’d take him. In fact, he only knew it was Wednesday and had no clue as to whether or not what actual date it was. Thus, his parents sitting him down for dinner that was made by his mother rather than him and handing him a large box wrapped in shiny red paper with an envelope taped on top was confusing.

“Happy birthday, bud,” Yu’s father said, “are you going to… open your gift?”

Yu jolted, “Oh, right!” He pulled the envelope off the box and opened it first. It was a generic birthday card for an eighteen year old which was fine, at least this year he found his parents’ signatures on the inside with a little message of well wishes. He moved onto the actual gift, he wasn’t sure what to expect. The paper was neatly sealed, but he managed to remove the cheap scotch tape easily. Underneath the wrapping paper was a brand new laptop. He managed a watery “Thank you,” and his parents just smiled.

Yu tore into the box, desperate to get his computer set up and rip the music from Yosuke’s USB and put it on his own mp3 player. His parents laughed lightly, “I’ve never seen him this excited about anything!” his mother stage whispered to her husband.

“Misako!” Yu’s father hissed in response, “He’s right there!”

Yu ignored his parents’ bickering in favour of running to his room, grabbing the gift from Yosuke off his desk and peeling back into the living room. He booted up his new PC, assuring that the power adapter was plugged in securely to both the computer and the wall, and without even looking at the file names on the USB he copied them to the already generated music folder. The second thing he did was connect to the internet and get his skype set up. He was about to call the Investigation Team before he remembered he had to actually make sure they were all free. Considering he had gotten a long series of “Happy Birthday” texts in the group chat early this morning and nothing since he assumed it would likely be better to wait until at least tomorrow. He sent a message about his new laptop and about having a group call soon anyways.

After a few hours of dicking around on the laptop, adding just enough of a personal touch and all the required programs, Yu relocated back to his room. He plugged his mp3 player in to his computer and began loading the new music onto it, ensuring it was its own playlist. To kill time while it all loaded up, he unpacked his new origami paper and set himself up in the living room again. It took about three minutes for Yu’s thoughts to take a backseat and he zoned into his actions.

Yu was so far gone in his crane creation he didn’t notice his parents emerge from wherever they had disappeared to after him. Misako, his mother, had begun responding to emails and finishing up her work at the small dining table, her husband making a pot of coffee and settling across from her with a newspaper. Every so often, they would be reminded that they were back home in Japan rather than in an American hotel as Yu would make himself known with the sound of paper hitting the coffee table or a broken hum of a song. The couple exchanged glances between themselves and their son.

“He’s so much more, I don’t know, expressive now.” the man says after a long sip of fresh coffee.

Misako nods, “I noticed too, he smiled more getting off the train than any time I can remember…” she would have said more, but then something new surprised them. Yu had started whistling as he folded, it wasn’t just a tuneless sound either but sounded like a song you’d hear on the radio. Misako closed her laptop and got up to make a coffee, using it as a reason to investigate what Yu was actually doing. She was glad to have peered over the back of the couch before entering the kitchen, she thought she would’ve dropped her mug should she have had one.

“Souji come look at this!” she said, quietly to not disturb Yu and ushering her husband away from the table. The coffee table was completely covered in little paper cranes of all colours, some with plaid patterns or dots or panda heads. There was even a decent amount littering the floor as well. With a shake of his head, Souji returned to his newspaper at the table, Misako joining shortly afterwards. They continued as they were in silence, barely sparing a side glance towards Yu as he attempted to gather all his cranes and ultimately failed to transport them to his room in one trip.

The second Yu got his origami mess cleaned up, he checked his laptop. Files successfully ported! Yu had never unplugged something so fast. He wasn’t sure why he was so impatient, maybe it was a sort of stir crazy. He had received notice via the IT group chat that everyone would be able to do a video call on the coming Sunday, which both staved off and amplified how much he missed Inaba. The objective on the forefront of Yu’s mind however, was making good on his promise to listen to Yosuke’s mixtape gift and offer a review. He was excited, to say the least.

He wanted to watch the sunset as he listened, but it was well past five when he opened his laptop and after getting it set up and going into an origami crane related dissociative state, it was nearing midnight. When he looked out his bedroom window, he noticed that it was raining, well, spitting. But, it was enough to put him on edge. For the two minutes before and after midnight, he held fast to the TV remote, keeping it off and staring into the screen. The second the clock hit 12:02, he relinquished the remote to his father who just furrowed his brow at him, and stepped out onto the balcony.

The balcony had a covering overhead and it was only spitting out, so Yu wasn’t worried about getting wet. He plugged his earbuds into his mp3 player and put them in his ears. When he hit play, the music was so quiet, he thought it was still paused, so he adjusted the volume and started the song over.

The first song was the same one that he recognized from his call with Yosuke on his first night in Tokyo. Yu couldn’t stop the way his heart ached as the singer’s words reached the chorus,

_I love you,  
I’ve loved you all along  
And I miss you  
Been far away for far too long_

Yu was gripping the balcony railing, staring at the cloudy night sky. The song spoke to him in a way he hated to think about, but he found himself singing along by the second chorus. He could see Yosuke in his head, playing his yellow guitar and performing for him. In his mind’s eye, they were able to reach out and hold each others’ hands as they sang through the closing lyrics.

With the second song Yu recognized, his voice only got louder and more sure. He knew music was one way to get his feelings across to others, but now he focused on channeling his own feelings into the lyrics chosen by his Partner. He felt a surge in his being, like somehow, his words were making it to Yosuke.

There was a shocking amount of English songs in this collection, Yu noted. Maybe it was how Yosuke was working on his pronunciation, he knew his boyfriend really wanted to travel abroad eventually and being bilingual would certainly help. The only downside is that it meant he didn’t recognize a lot of the songs.

After a few minutes, a song that was very openly pop started playing. It wasn’t Rise’s music, and was also in English, so it was a little bit of a shock to hear. However, as he listened, it conjured a collage of Yosuke in his mind. Yu was able to pick up the melody quickly. He hummed the verses, tapping his foot to the beat, and sang the chorus,

_Anytime you feel alone, put on your headphones  
Love, love’s coming through your headphones  
Anytime you feel alone, put on your headphones_

Yu stayed out until the playlist played through to completion. His parents watched from the living room, but only until about twelve thirty. Then, Yu was alone completely, on the balcony. The rain had cleared and the sun was beginning to rise as the last song started. Yu was tired, too tired to sing anymore, but still wide awake. He leaned on the railing and watched the sun rise, music blasting in his ears. It was perfect timing, he found as the song eventually faded out. And it was exactly what he needed when he felt alone, because as far away as Inaba, as Yosuke felt right now, he could take comfort in being under the same sun.

 _Here I am, staring at the sun_  
Distant land, staring at the sun  
You’re not there, but we share the same one

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact! Everything I had Mr and Mrs Narukami say in relation to Yu was sourced and inspired by stuff my parents have said about me! We love broken emotional regulator machines.
> 
> Another fun fact that nobody asked about is that despite this fic being written for a Mika song, it was a last minute decision to actually include it. A similar thing happened with the second fic in this series, the song in the fic is not the one the title is pulled from


End file.
